Day 30: Giving up why

Things have been getting better for me.  Progress is slow but I can tell it’s happening especially when I read back over my blogs of the last few years.  A constant question that bothers me however, is why?  And not so much the existential why me and why did this happen, but a more practical, …

Day 28: It’s not all about diet

Seemingly separate to my health mission, although related of course, is that I am in a breast cancer early screening program due to family history and today I went for a procedure called an automated breast ultrasound (ABUS).  Unlike attending a mammogram at the hospital where you’re seated in a warm medium-sized room with other …

Day 27: The internet is no longer a place for information

As the month has gone on my desire to write daily has really waned and at first this bothered me but now it doesn’t.  I’m not going to make the (arbitrary) target of 50,000 words this month but I will make around 25,000.  I’ve learnt quite a bit, but I’ll save that for the last …

Day 25: Free from second guessing

I’m really tired. What I think is happening now is that my body is doing a decent job of recovering and continuing to find strength and get on with life but my mind is over-worked.  It’s worrying and thinking and turning over situations, questioning everything, trying to find answers and work out what happened and …

Day 24: Perception of effort.

Watching Insight a few nights ago, the show featured athletes debating the topic of endurance racing, and a term stuck in my head.  ‘The perception of effort’ was described as the state of mind people can perceive whilst attempting something they think is beyond their physical limits. They develop a phase in their thinking where …

Day 23: Lost momentum

I’ve been updating this blog as a part of NaNoWriMo, an online community who encourage each other to write across the month of November.  But also so I could detail the impact of making a change in my diet and taking on a program including some meal replacement and caffeine replacement elements. I couldn’t really …

Day 19: Sabotage

I seem unable to stick to any plan especially when it involves limiting myself, or what I perceive as limiting.  Today I went to a kids party and was offered a coffee and said yes. Right after I’d finished a fizz stick drink (containing caffeine) and I was standing at a hot, steamy indoor public …

Day 18: Income protection

For the past almost 6 months I’ve been struggling to come to terms with life insurance and income protection. I guess I mention this because it’s been an unpleasant process, talking about how much money you think you might need to provide for your child if you were to become totally and permanently incapacitated. Probably …

Day 16: Pressure

It’s a feeling that I can’t seem to escape. I go through phases where it’s worse than others. I understand that I have a job that not only is commission based and I have no salary but also a job that is quite time sensitive. I really wish that after all these years I could …

Day 15: Slowing down

Ever since I ‘got sick’ nearly three years ago, I’ve been on the path and in the process of slowing down.  I remember the idea was first introduced to me by the GP who told me about it in the context of chronic fatigue.  Pacing.  It meant thinking about the amount of energy you need, …