It should feel like peace shouldn't it? Accepting the situation I'm in, should feel good, relaxing and calming. But it feels like sadness. Reading the Existentialists philosophy of which I have hardly read any more than this quote below tells me that no matter what you do you will experience regrets either way and that … Continue reading If change feels like fear, what does acceptance feel like?
...and it felt good. From the start of this illness, I've been mostly compliant, waiting for it to go whilst I go about my usual life. But the realisation a week or so ago that I would have to change my lifestyle to accommodate this 'illness' annoyed me. Which is dumb, because accommodating this illness … Continue reading Yesterday I got angry…
Last night I slept for 11 hours. Not soundly all the time; tossing and turning with nightmares and strange dreams but I was surprised to sleep until 8:30am as I'd assumed I might wake at 5am after enough rest. It felt good and this morning I didn't feel as bad as I normally do first … Continue reading Don’t fight it if you don’t know what it is
This week I will try and get better. I am changing the way I work and trying to change the way I do things. I have been thinking a bit about the lists of things to do and the things I actually need to do. I've always chased the finish line, the completion of the … Continue reading If you want to appreciate something being done, give it to someone who can’t.
Today was an unsuccessful day. I tried to go out for the afternoon to the end of the Fringe festival in the city. I walked maybe the length of 2 blocks and once we got there I was so exhausted I actually couldn't believe it. I soldiered on because I wanted to be ok, and … Continue reading I tried…I tired.
I'd just been to the hairdresser, thinking about how nice it was to catch up and have some time to just sit in one spot and be looked after. Driving out of Coles @ Parkholme a man decided I needed to be taught a lesson and thumped the back of my car as I drove … Continue reading You made my day worse
I worked 8 hours yesterday and today was 8am to 5:30pm and it just seems like a lifetime. I really love my job, but it seems I am stuck in the right job. I don't want to have to keep doing it because I am so tired but I love doing it, so when I'm … Continue reading I am so tired
That's all I need to make it through a day well it seems! I slept almost 12 hours last night except for a brief hour or so in the dark with my thoughts some time in the night - I don't look at the time anymore. The blood test didn't go well. I thought it … Continue reading 12 hrs sleep, 2 strong coffees and no work…
After a terrible 2 days of fatigue and feeling better just in time to go back to work, I took myself to the doctor today to express concern at my recovery progress. I'm not used to being 'sick' and I can sit for a while at work feeling perfectly normal and it's easy to imagine … Continue reading A visit to the Doc’s
I kept a diary of the symptoms I was suffering over the months and it feels like the fatigue is worse now. Most of my symptoms have been swollen and numb hands, pain in my fingers and the tops of my feet, aches in my back and pins and needles. I was tired but I … Continue reading This makes no sense…