Up Days and Down Days

I’m supposed to be resting more now that I’m not working so much, but it seems I can’t help but fill my time up with things to do.

I spent a fair amount of time and energy working out when to work, so I could fit in with my team and client needs.  I wanted to find good things for my daughter and I to do together, so we went to the library for story time; we went to a fun baby dance class; we went out for breakfast and I started the week on Tuesday night with a work awards night that got me home after 9pm.  I spent no time napping during the day and two of the nights I had a wriggly 3 yr-old visitor in the middle of the night.

Add it all together and today I feel like feel it I’ve been out on a huge drinking binge.  I’m tired, dehydrated, my limbs feel tingly and heavy and my head is foggy.  And I’m in a bad mood.  I felt it coming last night but I couldn’t stop watching something ridiculous on TV – you know that Catfish show, it’s as enticing as a car accident – but still I was in bed by 10:20pm.  Not enough.

This morning I was woken by the wriggler yelling ‘I found my dummy, mummy’ and even when I acknowledged her, she kept yelling it, so often, so loud and leaning into my face it got a bit psychotic.  Kids are insane.  All I can say is thank god for Finding Nemo this morning.  And coffee.

This experience is what I’ve read on other fatigue sufferers pages called ‘payback’ but I really hate that term.  It suggests you’ve done something wrong to get this, when I’m only functioning at 50% and just trying to have a life.  This isn’t fair but it’s not payback!

The pain along my right finger is intense and the prickling is all over my body and I really don’t understand what it is.  It’s supposed to be mimicking nerve damage without actual damage but it’s PAIN.  It’s hurts, so it’s really something.  Perhaps this is part of the reason why people struggle to deal with fatigue sufferers, it’s very elusive and airy-fairy seeming.  But to me, it’s pain.

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