So off to the docs I go tomorrow and I’m hoping to get a referral to another doctor, an infectious diseases specialist. I am the type of person who wants to understand what is happening and what is likely to be the outcome so I can think about it and prepare beforehand.
Having said that, I asked myself earlier today what I wanted out of life; to achieve or to make sure I put my limited energy into in case this never went away, and I didn’t really have an answer beyond spending as much time with my daughter as possible, and that’s a bit of a no brainer.
I wondered what I might do if my GP refused my referral and told me to go back to getting on with getting better. How would I feel as I walked away and what I would then focus my energies on?
It surprises me that I don’t really know. Think it’s time to make a list! I won’t bore you with the process of discovery but if I start with the basics (like maslows hierarchy) I know I want a place to live, something to do, things to eat, love and of course sleep! Purpose really rings true to me. I want to make a difference to my world, not necessarily THE world, but my world. Fundraising interests me; helping direct funds to the right places and people who need it most. A sense of belonging feels like a luxury I want and chase. But these are all concepts aren’t they? Where is my ‘bucket list’, my ‘run a marathon’ or ‘live in New York once?’ In fact the later I would love to do, but I don’t think I’ll die disapointed if I don’t. You won’t see me running a marathon any time soon either.
Its time to think more about what I want out of my life that isn’t simply related to jobs. I’ve focused a lot of energy on my jobs and career to find that the one I choose, I am completely replaceable in. I need a re-think.
But first, off to the doctor.