Too tired for a title

So off to the docs I go tomorrow and I’m hoping to get a referral to another doctor, an infectious diseases specialist. I am the type of person who wants to understand what is happening and what is likely to be the outcome so I can think about it and prepare beforehand.

Having said that, I asked myself earlier today what I wanted out of life; to achieve or to make sure I put my limited energy into in case this never went away, and I didn’t really have an answer beyond spending as much time with my daughter as possible, and that’s a bit of a no brainer.

I wondered what I might do if my GP refused my referral and told me to go back to getting on with getting better. How would I feel as I walked away and what I would then focus my energies on?

It surprises me that I don’t really know.  Think it’s time to make a list!  I won’t bore you with the process of discovery but if I start with the basics (like maslows hierarchy) I know I want a place to live, something to do, things to eat, love and of course sleep!  Purpose really rings true to me.  I want to make a difference to my world, not necessarily THE world, but my world.  Fundraising interests me; helping direct funds to the right places and people who need it most.  A sense of belonging feels like a luxury I want and chase.  But these are all concepts aren’t they?  Where is my ‘bucket list’, my ‘run a marathon’ or ‘live in New York once?’  In fact the later I would love to do, but I don’t think I’ll die disapointed if I don’t.  You won’t see me running a marathon any time soon either.

Its time to think more about what I want out of my life that isn’t simply related to jobs.  I’ve focused a lot of energy on my jobs and career to find that the one I choose, I am completely replaceable in.  I need a re-think.

But first, off to the doctor.

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One thought on “Too tired for a title

  1. Sarah Murray says:

    Firstly CJ, I’m still reading and won’t stop. Secondly, YOU are worthy and and entitled to answers if you can get some.

    It’s funny how years pass and some people can forget things that happen and people we met but as another reunion approaches I find myself thinking school years were so hard and I don’t want to revisit those years but when it comes around I’l be in that room.

    Why the Hell am I telling you this, Well because I loved the people I went to school with so many different associations that I could never have experienced in the small country town in which I lived however there were so many hurdles all caused by my medical problems. Halfway through Year 11 I changed the neurologist I had been seeing (practically since birth for epilepsy) to a neuro @ FMC and that very day at my appointment time I had a seizure in his office, It was the best gift I could have given him. The old neurologist hd never seen me have one yet the new based his treatment on what he saw that day.

    While this may not seem relevant the point is another opinion often gives a fresh path for your GP to follow and gives you some empowerment. Autoimmune Disease really sucks as it makes a once healthy vibrant life into a mockery and it pains me that too many people I know are now being crippled by them. That’s the end of my reply but in closing when I go to tht reunion if you haven’t got the strength to attend you will be in my thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

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