After two weeks of feeling really average and on some days downright awful, I returned to work today and felt pretty good. Even now at almost 9 o’clock at night I don’t feel too bad. I’m tired and I’m ready for bed and I should go to bed but I’m writing this! My elbows feel heavy – that’s such a strange thing to say – but it’s the case.
Next week is my appointment with the infectious diseases specialist and despite all my attempts not to place too much emphasis on it, my eggs are all firmly in that basket. I realised that it’s because there is no other basket. Ok enough with the idioms. Since no other explanation has been clearly offered for this fatigue except ‘post-viral’ I really hope he’ll be able to tell me exactly what it is. I guess one of two things will happen, he’ll ask lots of questions and say ‘yes in my opinion this sounds like X and this is what you can expect from here.’ Or he’ll say ‘this doesn’t fit exactly what I would have thought, let’s get this tested’ and we’ll find out what it is that way. I guess there could be an option 3 but I really hope not. It helps having the appointment to look forward to and I hope that positive feeling doesn’t disappear completely once the appointment is over like it did with the first visit to the rheumatologist 3 months ago.
I suppose I should think about how I will cope if I get the first answer and the advice is the same as my GPs – you will recover eventually – with no timeframe.
But I’ve got to put myself through this so I can know I’ve tried as many ways as I can to find the answer. I find it hard to believe sometimes that this feeling is still with me. But it’s still there, when I wake up in the morning after hours of sleep, when I get out of the low drivers seat in my car, when I try to stand from a crouch and when I lift my daughter, it’s still there.
Tempus Fugit – Time Flies, even when you are spending a lot of it on the couch.