I’ve been feeling lost at lot this week. The work stuff plays on my mind, so much so that I’m sick of thinking about it. I have to go to a celebration of the result on Saturday night and at the same time I feel happy but like I’m attending a funeral.
I feel lost because I wonder what my career direction will be now and also what my health direction will be. This has gone on so long that I begin to wonder if I will get better, having only the vaguest of memories of what it feels like to feel great.
Feeling lost is a scary feeling, a dark, lonely frightening feeling. But after watching some of these TED talks this morning – especially the woman who recognised the positive side of losing her legs was that she could then choose her own height – I felt it worth trying to look at this from a different perspective.
What would be the good things about being lost?
I imagine positively being lost looks something like wandering around aimlessly, so the first thing that made me think of was – No responsibilities! Now, I can’t shirk all of mine, having a child to look after but the idea of relinquishing deadlines and shrugging off expectations makes me feel good. Being positively lost would also mean you have no timeline and so therefore nothing to notice you have not achieved. Being lost would mean no agenda in the day, except what occurs in front of you and also dealing with the very simple basics of life – food, rest, shelter or making sure you take 14 tablets a day, would take most of your time. And any achievement such as keeping yourself healthy, fed, rested, warm and content would be celebrated because you have nothing else you were striving for.
Being someone who has always rushed to fill a void in my life, I was beginning to think about other options for my work, other careers, other paths and the weight of the decision and thoughts were becoming burdensome.
So I think I’ll choose to be positively lost for a while and just be.