I haven’t been writing, haven’t felt any urge to and I’ve been sick this last week or more. There’s no other word that can describe it well – sick, ill, maybe afflicted? I’ve had dizziness, headaches, itchy hives and foul metallic tastes in my mouth. The killer is, I have felt stronger than ever, which is to say I used to function at a 9/10, when I got really sick daily life went down to a 2/10 and now I’d say I’m at a 4/10, which is improvement and I’ll take it but why did it have to come with a whole lot of new symptoms that I haven’t had before?
I really wish I knew what was going on inside me. My body seems to have become estranged from me and I don’t think it wants to be friends anymore. The not knowing is a really hard part to cope with because I can’t plan for anything, I can’t think ‘Hey I’d like to see those people, I’ll invite them around for lunch’, because I never know how I’m going to feel.
So, the bad taste in my mouth. It’s hard to describe how miserable this makes me feel, for such a mild (in comparison) symptom. I have a sort of dirty, metallic taste on my tongue all the time, like I might have just taken a swig of vinegar, which becomes worse with eating. Even dry plain saladas taste like onions coated in salt paint, a sip of coffee tastes like warm thin mud coffee. Everything has a hint of what it should taste like and I can smell nice foods but not for long. It’s kind of funny, it must have hit me Sunday afternoon when I’d just made a bolognaise and then sat down to taste it, thinking it wasn’t my best ever, in fact was a bit awful. The next day I realised it had been me, not the bolognaise.
I assumed straight away that it was the anti-histamines I took to help with the hives, and yes, a quick Google reveals that anti-histamines can be the reason for a bad taste in your mouth along with everything from gum disease, digestive problems, brain defects and liver cancer. But I haven’t taken any since Sunday morning.
I suppose it is possibly the multiple supplements I’m taking building up and interacting, and that one day off from them wouldn’t hurt, after all, I survived months without them. I tried to contact my naturopath but she is on holidays. Google seems to think I have many forms of disease so I’m not talking to Google. The part that make me feel so bad about this is it’s another thing I can’t seem to do anything about. I’ve been sleeping for months without feeling rested and having aches and pains without having done any exercise and now I have a foul taste in my mouth without having eaten anything bad. All day long. It seems like the communication between my body and brain has been severed and the body is rumbling along, headless, reacting like a giant Frankenstein to it’s environment. Is it getting better? Could all these be signs of a re-awakening immune system, or is it simply bad luck on top of bad luck?
I don’t know.
And now my plans to eat healthy and feel good about doing it, has been quite cruelly taken from me, because I don’t want to eat at all, even chocolate tastes like charcoal. I had to resort to blocking my nose yesterday to drink a whole glass of water because even that tasted bad.
I will try a day off from the supplements, I have emailed my naturopath and I will try to eat today with my nose blocked, because I know how much worse I feel when I don’t fuel my body with food.