Yeah, I tell you what, I’m getting sick of this.
It seems since the end of June, I have been worse and worse, with multiple extra illnesses on top of just feeling bad. It’s hard to say that I’m feeling better because generally I don’t and the important thing to remember is I’m nowhere back to ‘normal’.
I used to be able to cope with so much in a day, could eat anything, work, play, write, eat, sleep – no worries. Life has really changed.
So yesterday morning I woke about 4am and 4 hours of gastro ensued. I’ll spare you the details, you’ve all been there. Once the ‘productive’ phase was over I was left not feeling relieved but feeling achey, feverish with chills and my entire body hurting. A day and night of rest and I’m better, but still haven’t managed to eat anything, nor do I have any desire to eat. This morning’s visit to the loo, showed me just how dehydrated I am but I’m trying to keep up liquids. I just still have this slightly bad taste in my mouth so even a soothing cup of tea makes me feel a little ill.
Mainly I feel so guilty that my daughter had to stay elsewhere last night and go straight to care this morning, so I can, what…? Sleep? It seems so bloody ridiculous compared to how I used to be.
And that is my worry. Is there something really serious going on that I should be going to the doctor about? Should I stop myself from being put off, expecting the usual ‘yes this is common with glandular/parvo and you will recover’ with no help?
Browsing through Facebook this morning, sending my mind numb, I came across a stress test – you know the ones – but I decided to take this one and see what it told me, assuming that I would be less stressed than I used to be dealing with a full-time job. Well in the end, the test wouldn’t give me a result (WHICH STRESSED ME!) unless I paid $5.95 and I wasn’t going to but I had already sussed out the answer from the questions it asked.
Things like ‘In the last 12 months have you:
Changed jobs – tick
Been demoted – tick
Taken a significant pay cut – tick
Moved to a different work location – tick
Suffered an illness that has affected you for more than a week – Gee how many ticks does 8 months get?
It makes sense to me then, why I find myself getting upset when I have to try and fit in time with my daughter, work and rest. Because of my stubborn need to do the right thing I am prioritising one and two but not three. Even though I only work 2 days a week now instead of 5 I feel like I am trying to manage the same amount of stress and worry particularly about the future. I often find myself daydreaming of living in a cottage by the sea in a country town where no-one bothers me. This isn’t what I really want, because I love the little family I have, I do recognise though that the life I am living is not the one I hoped and dreamed for by now. What can you do ?
I’m in the middle of something. Life is changing and for the moment I am being challenged and brought down on a more than weekly basis, but I’ll keep trying. How much worse can it get? Surely the next worse step is hospital? Perhaps a flu is on the way? I have so far managed not to get one this winter and in 2 weeks winter will be over. Maybe something out of left field, like I’ll break an arm or something?!
I’ve spoken with my naturopath this morning and she’s recommended cabbage with each meal – it’s apparently good for the stomach and asked if I was taking a propbiotic. I have been taking one per night, except last night and she recommended 6 a day with one emptied direct into my mouth! I feel a little like she’s a bit heavy handed some times, but perhaps the affects I’m having are requiring that?
Here’s my plan: see how I go for another week, if the bad taste is still there and/or I suffer yet another setback, I will go to the doctor and plead for help, and then go to the naturopath across from my work who have so far been very encouraging to me, and seek a second opinion. I have to steel myself against the brush off.
ps. the picture is how I imagine my stomach, one little happy bacteria in there fighting to survive!