The Secret to Nightmares

“What did you dream last night?” my daughter asked me this morning.  It’s a common question from her, at 3 she’s very interested in dreams already.  I didn’t want to tell her about the nightmare that woke me at 2am last night and stopped me from getting back to sleep for an hour or more.

I was in my childhood home’s backroom – featuring large floor to ceiling windows which at night was a vast empty dark space to be conquered on the way to the bathroom.  I was my age now however and peering from the kitchen I could see someone with a large knife trying to break open the back door, intending me harm.  I was screaming for help, but my voice didn’t seem to be loud enough to be heard.  I took huge lungful’s of air and tried to scream out noise but it turned out the only person nearby was someone from my current life, and he casually strolled out from the lounge eventually, saying he’d heard me but had been watching TV.

The dream ended there.  It’s so heartbreakingly obvious isn’t it.

The last week or so, I’ve been so irritated, distracted and confused.  It’s coincided with some beautifully warm and really windy allergy weather.  Itchy bumps have come out on my legs like at the height of the Parvo.  Is my body affecting my mind and the allergic reactions making it race or is my mind racing adding to the state of my body, because this week I’ve been worrying about finances, leaving my daughter in the care of others, my future health and my happiness.  So nothing major…!

Knowing that I can help myself to cope and feel better about the challenges I face, I picked up The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, to have a brief look over for inspiration.  She doesn’t address nightmares, but only dreams, the dreams you have of what you want out of life.  The phrase that stuck with me this time was ‘Ask yourself how you are feeling?’.  And my feelings have been terrible this week.  All the time.  So it’s really not surprising to me that my mind has been terrible at coping with a few extra concerns.

I started to think about the ability to change your own state with some ‘secret shifters’.  Music, happy memories, beautiful photos – things that help you shift your focus to something good, with the simple idea that it’s hard to think bad while you’re feeling good – you’ve all been made to laugh mid-tantrum right?  Music is a big one for me, and I used it 2 days ago when my daughters’ Dad was 3 hours late to collect her with no apology and a brief explanation that involved blaming someone else.  A good listen to some beautiful tunes (I chose Chet Faker and Elbow) and I had moved on, so much so that the thoughts were just gone, not that I was pretending not to be annoyed, I simply wasn’t anymore. (they may have come back later yesterday when he did it to me again tho!)

So where to now?  Is it my thoughts and my mind I need to work on or is it more on the body?  I’ve been thinking of re-visiting the nutritionist now that I’m over a month dairy free and feeling better but not recovered.  Adding someone else into the mix really stirs up the difficulties though, because all of sudden you have their input – try this, take that, stop that, don’t eat that – it can be exhausting – which is difficult when you’re already tired.

Perhaps both.

I’m going to approach this differently from the rational way I normally approach things.  I’m going to put out there the good things I want to come to me and I’m going to encourage you to read the book ‘The Secret’ and hope you get something out of it too.

I am so happy and grateful now that I have positive and fulfilling relationships with everyone in my life.  I am financially secure.  I am pursing a creative career and finding inspiration to write stories.  I am so grateful now I am a published bestselling author.  I am healthy and clear-headed all the time and I am surrounded by love.

Ask once, believe you have received and feel good.

(deep breath)

I feel better having written this post 😉

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