Two phrases have stuck with me recently.
#1. Get your life how you want it
I watched a 5 minute doco tonight on the 7:30 Report featuring a farmer who when drought forced him to lease his property, started creating sculptures from spanners. Yes, that’s right, spanners. And they are quite beautiful. Here‘s a link to check them out.
I was quite astounded. He’s also in a wheelchair but that’s not the main story here because he has been wheelchair-bound for years. What appealed to me about ‘The Spanner Man’ or John, was he found a way to do something else he enjoyed, something completely different from farming and something, people might suggest, was not the sort of pastime that a manly farmer would undertake (even if it does involve welding). He didn’t let adversity stop him. He genuinely loves each sculpture as he’s creating it and the best thing he could hope for as death comes, is to die in his workshop.
He’s gotten his life how he wants it, even with hurdles. Perhaps overcoming hurdles doesn’t mean, getting over something and getting life back exactly as it was.
#2 You didn’t ask to be sick, I saw written in another writer’s blog and it stunned me as I read it. I agreed. Yes, I didn’t ask to be sick. I didn’t ask to be placed in a position where I had to give up everything I thought was important in a career. I didn’t want that. But that’s not to say it’s ok to be angry about it. No. Instead it stopped the guilty feelings. Sometimes I feel guilty about how my friends and family perceive my actions, when I can’t or don’t want to see them in favour of having the energy to do something else. I always feel guilty when I don’t want to play imagination games that involve running around the house with my daughter. And recently I’ve been feeling guilty about a decision I wanted to make around work. And here’s the kicker: the guilt was holding me back from making the decision because of other people’s feelings and expectations of me. I was released from all that when I realised I need to get my life how I want it, because I didn’t ask to be sick.
It’s nobody’s fault that I got sick or that I’m still working on the old expectations of myself – I said I’d do something and so I must; plugging away endlessly at the path because it’s what was expected of me, or I had agreed to do so. I feel on the verge of being able to get my life how I want it, because I have been sick. What a revelation.