Does the return of symptoms mean you’re getting worse?
Or alternatively, not getting better?
Or as I suspect, that I’ve been pushing the limits of what I can realistically do without falling over for probably a month now? The last few days I’ve felt the return of the skin prickling all over my arms, scalp, face and feet and I’m annoyed. Today for the first time in weeks I had to have a little nap on the couch whilst my daughter watched Peppa Pig videos on my iPhone. I HATE doing that, and while realistically she probably loves it, I feel like a huge failure as a parent. I felt so short tempered today too. SO much is going on. If I listened to my body I would remind myself to chill out!
I have another visit with the specialist on Tuesday to get the results of blood tests looking at the usual suspects – iron, thyroid, vitamin and cortisol levels. I am expecting them to be normal. If this is the case, I wonder what advice he will have, being a fibromyalgia expert?
All my activity in the past month has been trying to secure a sort of easier and financially secure future and I remind myself that I have hardly done any creative writing in that time whatsoever. I don’t even know when my course resumes. Am I expending energy in the wrong areas, yet again? Over a year in to this journey, have I learnt nothing yet? Am I not allowing myself to relax and take the pressure off and follow my dreams?