An update on me

One thing I can say for sure, since I’ve been taking the thyroid hormone liothyronine sodium (Tertroxin) is that I have been able to do more in my day.  I don’t exactly have more energy, but less fatigue and a feeling of being able to achieve more.  I’m up and down though and I’m not sure if it’s related to diet, water intake, the drug, or something else.  It’s obvious however that I am not 100% and maybe never will be.

Since starting this drug, the prescribing doctor who I’ve only seen 3 times has now been transferred interstate and so next week I’ll be seeing a new doctor in the same practice.  That’ll be number 5.  I’ll ask him what he thinks of the headaches, why he thinks this drug is impacting me and for suggestions on diet.  I’m particularly interested in caffeine, soy milk and sugar intake and candida overgrowth.

Psychologically I’ve been busy.  My first session with a clinical psychologist was taken up entirely by my life story, as she hurriedly took notes and kept saying ‘we might talk about that later, if you want’.  She did have time to make reassuring noises about my work choices and agree that the treatment I received had been disappointing.  She ended with ‘You’ve been through a lot’ which was kind of comforting to hear.  I’m only three weeks out of the job I was in for almost 10 years and have hardly had time to pause in that.  I’ve been setting up a new job, trying to set up a new website for travel blogging, completing assignments for a new subject which again is frustrating me.  It’s probably something for later, but it might perhaps just be time to realise that I no longer enjoy the structure and inconsistent guidelines that come through online teaching, and I might have to look for another outlet for my writing than this blog and that course.

I feel discontent with where I’m at.  I still seem to have not enough time to do anything I really want to, although I most certainly do.  What is that feeling?  I really just want to be content with the moments as they come and go.  I am less focussed on finding what is wrong with me and wanting to know how can I just be ok for the moment.  Not worry about the future anymore and not feel like everything has to be fixed.  It’s almost a year since I took the step to resign from being a manager, a job that had been part of my DNA, and I’ve been on a downward spiral ever since with stress, riding it out and letting it go, so why don’t I feel a lot better?  A lot happier?  What am I missing?

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