I was told by the clinical psychologist on Friday that I need a routine. That this would help, to plan in rest time, work time and time for myself. Afterwards I sat alone, pondering the word routine. Is that all? Is that how little she feels is happening in my life? That a simple routine would fix all the aches, pains and discomfort?
But I knew she was right that I needed to rest more and right now. The trip to Sydney for work has had a disastrous impact on my health and wellbeing. I got through it but used almost every last bit of energy I had and came back with dizziness that has lasted for over a week, tiredness that won’t go away, back aches, head aches, nightmares, stomach aches, sweating and confusion. The list goes on.
So here I’ve sat in the lounge with my daughter today playing iPad games and watching Frozen, trying to relax, wanting to sweep up the dust that’s collected under the TV cabinet, wanting to do the dishes, wanting to have a shower. Wanting to be able to do anything that would make me feel normal or capable. Knowing that when she goes this afternoon I should sleep again but that it won’t make any noticeable difference to how I feel (unless I don’t do it and then I will feel worse). But it’s a sunny day and I just wish this was all over.
I’m back in the ‘perhaps when’ phase. Perhaps when the new thyroid medication starts working…. Perhaps when I haven’t just been away…perhaps when I go back to the other medication…
When I was still dizzy 3 days after returning I made an appointment with Dr#5 and best I could get was 2 days later on the phone. He told me the dizziness was probably a ‘virus’ and that he was also leaving the practice but that I should keep doing what I’m doing for 3 months and come back and see any of the doctors… Onto Dr #6.
He also advised the results of the saliva cortisol test being 5,3,3,3; but didn’t really say anymore about what that means except that they expect to see a 10 in the morning and to take another supplement which I dutifully went and purchased to find it’s really only a strong multivitamin with many ginsengs added PLUS it contains lactose which I have an allergy to. I only noticed this after I took 2 days worth and noticed the stomach symptoms.
So where to now? I’m feeling like chucking the whole thing in and forgetting about all the tablets for a while. I can’t say that’d be a good thing with my experience of changing from Tertroxin to the thyroid extract and how flat I felt for the week afterwards. At least I do know, or think I know, that the Tertroxin was working in that it didn’t interrupt my digestion and it had reduced the aches and pains.
Something of an answer there. I don’t think I’ll go back to the integrative doctors, although they’ve uncovered something, it’s damn expensive and they haven’t made me feel important to them. I sometimes fantasise about having a health care professional of my own, someone who only saw a small number of patients, was a general practitioner, and cared about me. What a dream!