It’s late again. The internet’s switched off. It’s almost as if that off switch turns on the power to complete the train of thoughts that have been scratching around the back of my mind all day.
I’ve been really hard on myself for the last week, without even realising it. The psychologist told me to ban unhelpful thoughts at night so I could sleep better and I mastered that really fast. But somehow, and this will sound completely dumb, they all transferred to the daytime where I have let them have more power to run riot over my mind.
Ok I’ll go a little easier on myself and instead tell you about 2 situations that occurred today so obvious in their meaning that I won’t insult your intelligence by trying to pretend they are something more than they are.
- I gave my daughter a shiny plastic love heart shaped ring which we loved and she promptly misplaced. We looked hard for it. Turned cushions over, moved couches, walked the same steps over and over, cried and got stressed out. Eventually my daughter told me it was ok and it didn’t matter that we couldn’t find it (yes my 4 yr old adulted better than me today) and we gave up. A few hours later I was searching again. It was like an itch inside my brain, I knew it had to be somewhere in the house. I even checked the bin. A few hours later again, after I’d given up, distracted I looked at the couch and there it was, slightly under a teddy but not so much that I shouldn’t have seen it before. The answer had been right in front of my eyes but I was too freaked out to see it.
- I wore a coat I’ve had for about 7-8 years during which time I’ve carried a button in my left pocket that fell off the middle button of the jacket. It fell off about a year in. I’ve carried it all that time. Today I put my hand in the pocket, felt the button and thought for the first time ever ‘I’m sure I can fix this, I’m sure I have the tools I need to do it…’
It is what it is.
Today, I am not easily seeing things right in front of my eyes and I have the tools to fix things.
I should go easier on myself.