I was having a bit of a re-read over my blog this morning at 5am, as you do when you have a pounding sinus headache that won’t let you sleep… just on that, I have a cold. I have a cold. I haven’t had a cold since I started this whole journey 18 months ago. My question; is that because my immune system is better now or worse? In the winter before I came down with Parvovirus I had every cold under the sun but since then nothing. I remember my NK cells and white cell count was down so perhaps my immune system was not responding to invasions? I don’t know. I find it perplexing and disturbing. Sinus headaches and yellow snot and dry mouth is not pleasant at any time.
Back to my blog, through reading over it, I realised I had forgotten to explain what took me back to the doctors after being fairly sure I wouldn’t return. I just haven’t gotten better since the April visit to Sydney and I know I have felt better than this so I wanted to reevaluate where I’m at. I had new aches and pains that coincided with the natural thyroid – I keep a food and sleep diary – and I wanted to come off it and see what happened.
I saw a third doctor and liked her response to me. She took me seriously and said jokingly ‘I’m going to do something crazy here and listen to you’. We agreed to go back on the Tertroxin (instead of natural desiccated thyroid extract) and see if I can regain the energy (without the headaches) that I experienced before. I suppose it’s disappointing but it makes me realise I bought into the online hype about natural thyroid. Hey it works for some.
I’m glad that the Dr also ordered a million new blood tests too. She’s checking my thyroid levels, a whole heap of vitamins and minerals, hormones – oestradiol and progesterone, total blood cell counts. I’m very curious to know what my blood can tell us. The HPA-D dysfunction diagnosis feels right (more so than glandular fever after all this time, CFS, fibromyalgia and hypothyroidism) but it comes with no cure. I’m hoping my blood will tell us more. In the meantime, I’m processing the HPA-D diagnosis, trying not to blame myself for it and remembering that a lot has been out of my control and I’ve been deeply unfulfilled and un-true to myself over the last 5 years for reasons that are not simple (and not stupid!).
My clinical psychologist at my last appointment over a week ago, asked me to create a journal and a time per day – no more than half an hour – to worry. The first time I did it was at 6am this morning, with a lot on my mind, there are some HUGE worries on that piece of paper. Perhaps more on that later.