Where am I?

Back in June I made some changes to my medications, specifically the time of day I took the T3 and T4, which helped.  I suffered less fatigue, slept better, less brain fog and I thought ‘This is it!  I’ve found out what’s wrong with me and this is when I finally get better!’.

But since then, it’s still been a long road.  I’ve had 2 upper respiratory infections, one that lasted for 2 weeks.  I feel flat and emotionally drained by a person in my life who seems to have a knack of piling on extra weight when I’m already under enough.  I sprained my ankle last week.  Ok it doesn’t seem that bad when I type it out but I know, I’m feeling flat.  I’m disliking my work again, I  feel resentful of the time it takes, even though logically I know I have to work to earn the money.  I feel trapped, no sense of freedom.  I feel directionless, like there is no point in trying to do something that I love.

I’m sure this is quite normal and surely part of some sort of period of reflection having just been through 2 and a half years of chronic fatigue (although I don’t identify as having that condition, it accurately describes what has mostly been happening to me due to a hypothyroid condition).  I surely just need some time to process, time to return to feeling like this is a gift and not a burden to be recovering.

These last three days I’ve had quite a few headaches and I immediately worry that the medication is wrong again.  One of the concerns my doctor had with my T3 and T4 levels was that the T3 was too high and would begin to accumulate, signs to notice were heart palpitations and headaches.  There’s been a few of the former also.

Where am I?  I know where my body is but not what it is doing and I don’t know where my head is.  It is here with my body but in so many ways it’s somewhere else most of the time and I don’t want it to be, because my daughter is growing up in the here and now and I don’t want to miss it.  Or miss anymore of it than I already have.

2 thoughts on “Where am I?

  1. Lyme.Co says:

    I can relate very much to your post. The long term difficulties of trying to find the right balance of thyroid hormones to feel even slightly normal has been a challenge for me as well. I so understand that sensation of feeling “flat”. It helps me sometimes, when I am able, to accept the situation as it is. I have no thyroid and my levels go up and down and seem to dictate my sense of well being at will. I have to accept this because its true, even if I don’t like it. Another thing I do sometimes when I am on the right track is to assure myself that one day I’m going to feel better. I hope you feel better soon.


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