Day three started normally enough. I felt tired and groggy but put that down to being woken up many times in the night by my daughter who I was pretty sure was coming down with something. I’d planned a busy day of achieving work goals ahead and was feeling quite blue about the prospect at 8am this morning, when it became clear that my daughter wasn’t going to go to school.
I adapted my work style a few years ago to deal with this very situation, so I don’t find myself stressed while trying to decide if I should take a day off work to look after a sick child. So I put the decision to her and she decided she wanted the day off. I’ve definitely seen her sicker. I’d call what she had a case of the sniffles, but she must’ve needed a mental health day because the enticement of missing her friends wasn’t enough to get her going to school. I made it clear that I did have to work though and she was good at not interrupting me probably because she got more iPad and Kids YouTube time than normal! The modern-day babysitters. But we had a good day actually.
Until about 2pm when a headache of nightmarish proportions descended on me. Trying to explain this sort of pain to someone who doesn’t get headaches is hard, it was just below migraine level and felt like my brain was alternately trying to squeeze itself into a tight ball, or escape my skull by pushing against my eyes! It came on fast and brought nausea with it too. I’d had the shake for lunch and was due the Fizz stick which contains caffeine, so immediately I assumed it’s the caffeine withdrawal causing it. Last time didn’t seem like this though, last time was more of a fuzzy strained ache and less of a sledgehammer than this one.
As I said I adapted my work style a few years ago, so that I could deal with this type of situation also, so I was able to switch off the laptop and lie on the couch. Times like these get me feeling very vulnerable. Needing to be in charge of a 5 year old and not knowing for sure how long that crippling pain is going to last. As I lay on the couch, terrible thoughts of needing to call the ambulance flitted through my already overloaded mind. Who would I call to tell I needed to go to hospital? What if it was an aneurism or a brain cancer? I know this reads ridiculously, but in the moment of that intense pain, it’s really difficult to keep perspective in check.
Self-preservation kicked in and I forced myself get up and prepare the fizz stick drink knowing it contained caffeine and might be the salve my aching brain needed. I knew the water would help and I forced down 2 Panadol’s and lay down with my grandmothers rug on me, hoping it might bring me some strength. I probably lay like that, twisting and turning my head for about half an hour, trying to find a position to escape the pain before I drifted off to sleep for about 20 minutes and when I woke, the pain was gone. My brain was fuzzy and bewildered but so pleased the pain wasn’t there any longer. I even lay still for a few minutes, not wanting to lift my head up because I expected the throbbing to start again. But it didn’t. My daughter YouTube’d through the whole thing, didn’t even notice I was asleep.
Was it the caffeine drink? Was it the Panadol? Was it my grandmother’s rug? I’ll never know I suppose, unless the cycle repeats tomorrow in which case I can probably blame caffeine withdrawal. I remember I got to this point last time and thought ‘honestly why the f*ck am I putting myself through this agony, when I actually really enjoy coffee?’ I still don’t have a very good answer to that one so I expect I’ll come up against the same question shortly. Maybe this time will be easier overall? But it begs the question, am I just getting myself hooked on a different form of caffeine? One that gives me migraines and if so, pass the damn latte over here please!
Because of the head-episode, I didn’t eat anything from midday to dinner time, by which time I was starving and had a stomach ache. Looking up the Arbonne program today, the tip was ‘Don’t forget to snack, this isn’t about starving yourself’! Will try to remember that for tomorrow! Please don’t let another headache come for me.
I also decided not to take the doctors appointment next week. I didn’t want to get a blood test this morning and I wanted to see how this one month program panned out and if it made a difference to my energy levels, and I just want to save some money too. Doctors are expensive. Plus I already have one doctors appointment next week and that breaks my rule learned across three years of doctors, that more than one a week is tiresome (and expensive).
Sometimes the way I make decisions is a mystery to me.
Bring on Day Four with no headaches please.