Day 16: Pressure

It’s a feeling that I can’t seem to escape. I go through phases where it’s worse than others. I understand that I have a job that not only is commission based and I have no salary but also a job that is quite time sensitive. I really wish that after all these years I could get on top of the feeling that I have to finish everything. I know that sometimes in life it’s been harder than others particularly when I’m feeling tired or exhausted.  It’s really hard to work and you’re on a deadline but you’re exhausted all you want to do is rest and it’s probably all you should do because otherwise you just produce crap. 

I didn’t sleep well last night and I was woken about 5:30am by my daughter climbing into bed with me and then I couldn’t get back to sleep. I felt tired all day long and noticed after school that she has a scratchy throat and I’m thinking I have something like that too because I can just feel a bit of extra unwellness tugging at me.  I’m a bit fuzzy in the head and sore around the eyes.

And so I tried today to do my best but along with yesterday and the day before they have just been really unsatisfying. It’s the job it’s just the way it is and days or weeks like this bring me back to the idea that perhaps I should be doing something else. Then there are good times. It’s natural to have ups and downs. 

This year has certainly been the year of the doctor. At least one doctor visit a week whether it’s the chiro, the physio, the psychologist, the specialist or just the GP. I’m off to the hospital tomorrow for a mammogram which I’m not looking forward to but does any woman?  It seems yet another process to put myself through and I really could just do with a day off. 

I suppose I’ve been placing a bit of pressure on myself to change my diet, but that’s had uplifting and positive results whereas the pressure to work and to make a living never makes me feel good. Sometimes I feel like there’s just a couple of things I need to get out-of-the-way and then I can relax and tomorrow’s appointment is one of those. I’ll try to go to bed early tonight and just breathe. Tomorrow will be fine, I think I just have a bit of Dr overload. 

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