The struggle I face mainly is with my own mind. Tasks become apparent that I need to do or even want to do and my mind immediately starts planning, preparing, scheduling and worrying. How can I fit in the shops before I get my daughter? Should I wait till she’s here, no she doesn’t like the shops, it makes it harder. But if I have to get food before she’s back that means I have to finish work now and then I won’t have time later… etc etc. I sometimes become so distracted by the thinking (monkey brain) that I become stymied by trying to solve the puzzle and achieve nothing but more worry and a feel that everything has become too hard. I’m sure this is a part of hyper vigilance (which I’ve written about here before) and comes from a lack of ability plus a fear of exhaustion. I assume that manically scheduling will allow me to complete everything I need to without ending up dead on my feet.
I read a story in Time magazine in my dentists office last week that has stuck with me. The overall theme was about the similarities between successful people and their family backgrounds in America and all were from poor immigrant beginnings. One story stuck with me, painted beautifully with words (no doubt slightly emphasised for poetry) of a man who would kneel beside the bed his three daughters shared at night and whisper in their ears as they slept ‘I can and I will’ believing that the message was being heard and assumed by the subconscious.
It’s a nice thought and of course these women were all successful but as with all of these groupings of people for the purpose of an article – look at enough and you’ll find similarities – but who knows what’s the real reason for it.
My point is, the phrase stuck in my mind and may be a way to break this cycle of repetitive and obsessive scheduling. Just trying to think I can and I will rather than will I? and can I?.
A small shift in words, quite a huge shift in behaviour. Can I?